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Its 1:37am guys. I woke up with some hoorrrible leg pain in my left knee, and my right ankle. So..hobbled downstairs to get medis..now back upstairs. Kick in meds!! I am such a wimp haha!

THAT is my identity. I am NOT anorexic, a self-harmer, bi-polar, or BPD.

I AM a child of God.

Brielle had her ultrasound today and everything is great!! The doctor said if her hip clicks continue to 6 months then they will check again. Praise God!!

Things that I would never ever share with the internet; and I am fairly open about my life to an extent. But, my newest journal is more of a “what is God teaching me” type of book. I am really looking forward to what God teaches me this year..I can really feel myself growing in the Word, and the Holy Spirit growing in me.

My daughter makes my day. She’s lying beside me chewing furiously on a toy block. It’s soft, and covered in her drool. She seriously makes my heart melt.

my weight is low. how do I know? I don’t fit into a size 16 jean in little girls.

I usually fill them out just fine, but nope. Not one bit. I pulled them right up and didn’t even realize they were zipped and buttoned. That’s after they got out of the wash.

I am eating, I just don’t know what’s going on. I don’t…well, okay I cannot lie, I do want to be thin but I want more then anything to be rid of every anorexic thought I have. I know a lot of triggers are Brie’s hospital visit tomorrow, and some other things.

I just thought, at almost 25 freaking years old, I’d be done. Right?

I just need prayers, my dear friends. My mum, my mentor, my husband, and my friends have all asked if I have been eating. If I am being honest, the sinful disgusting side of me thinks “Oh…yes..we’ve lost weight. We can do this. We can get back to xxlbs.” But, I cry out to the Lord my God and ask for forgiveness for my wicked thoughts and the strength to fight back against this.

woo!! :)

It’s been crazy in our household, stressful, etc. Brielle’s 4 months came and went and she is now 18 weeks. I am so over the moon with her, it’s unreal. Each day she does something new. Right now, she’s in her cot upstairs playing with her Lamaze doll fastened to her crib. I figured when she’s tired she will tucker out and fall asleep. Right? Well, she’s not upset that’s for sure. I am determined to get her used to her cot for at least nap times. She still sleeps beside me in her bouncer at night though frankly I need to commit to co-sleeping. We both slept loads better when she was right next to me. If not, she wakes up every half hour to hour. This has been going on for 3 weeks now. Save me.

So, my news. Brielle has to go to the hospital on Monday for a sonogram on her hips. Her doctor is concerned she might have hip dysplasia. Which means that her hips are out of socket. If that is the case she may have to wear a brace for sometime so the problem can correct itself. If the brace doesn’t work (which is unlikely) she would have to have surgery to correct it. I am trying very hard not to worry and to trust in the Lord.

Here was our morning. Brielle LOVES to rest on my knees and look around, so we do that almost every morning.

She loves eating my knees :)

me in my no sleep, crazy hair, eyeliner and mascara under the eyes, and hello kitty dressing gown glory. You’re welcome.

My little bug is awake…so I may go upstairs to check on her, or I may see if she falls back asleep. She’s only been napping for 20 minutes. Sleep, my child!

(p.s. I learned the lyrics to “All Through the Night” and sang the first two verse to her before nap time.)

Oh and I am planning on doing a giveaway of my cloth wipes. We cannot use them. My daughter is just too sensitive to, well, everything. We went to Target last night and broke the  bank buying wipes and natural wash for her. You get treated even better then your mum, little bit. I purchased Yes! To Carrots. It’s a really nice brand and I’ve used it before. Oh, and my husband bought skinny jeans. I couldn’t believe it. My husband, who claims he would NEVER wear a pair of skinny trousers, bought a pair.

Well, I think he looks sexy. ;) He has the body for them, anyways.

I’ll arrange the giveaway and get back later!

Smiles and laughter, my tumblr friends!

-Anne-Marie